isolation....

when eye was in the mental hospital....  eye think in boulder community hospital....  during my second visit....  eye met a young gentleman....  who would have episodes of anger....  and rage....  he would yell and scream at people....  and....  it is hard to remember....  but....  eye think that he would run around while doing it to....  they would always FORCE him on a med....  something to calm him down....  after this happened two or three times....  he came up and talked to me after one episode....  and said to me....  brian....  eye wish that they would just give me a time out....  put me in a room for a while....  instead of FORCING me on meds....

well....  his suggestion....  his wishes....  are important....  because....  when the man who raised me....  eye call him poseiden....  came to pick me up in tacoma to take me back to colorado....  after a manic episode....  on our drive home....  we stopped to stay the night at a hotel in moses lake washington....  eye woke up the next morning.... around five a m....  and....  told him that he was god.....  then eye went back to sleep....  and....  then eye woke up again around six a m....  and told him eye was wrong....  he was A devil....  and eye needed to stay in this hotel room naked....  with my eyes shut....  and fast for forty days and forty nights....  and....  eye needed to get away from him....  well....  he called the police....  

the police came....  and....  eye would not talk or move....  so....  they took me to the hospital....  and....  eye still would not talk or move....  so....  they threw me out of the hospital....  eye cannot remember if it was on the lawn or driveway....  my eyes were still closed....  then....  the police came and arrested me for trespassing on the grounds where they threw me....  and....  for resisting arrest....  because eye would not move....  they took me to grant county jail....  where eye spent nearly sixty days in isolation....  in solitary confinement....

there are many parts of the story that eye am going to leave out right now....  eye will hopefully fill in the gaps in other chapters....  but eye like to keep my chapters short and sweet and to the point....  and....  the point here....  is that isolation cured me....

when eye was in isolation....  they did not have my zyprexa....  eye was taking it before they took me to jail....  but poseiden took it with him when he left....  so....  eye had not zyprexa....  no mental health drugs to bring me down from my manic episode....

they wanted to have someone do a psychiatric evaluation on me....  it took him thirty days to show up....  when he came....  after a lengthy interview....  he told me....  you were manic as all get out when you were admitted....  but....  you are NOT manic now....

here is my theory....  thirty days of isolation.... thirty days of solitary confinement....  without all of the pressures of the outside world....  and my mania came down....  my theory....  is that all of the pressures of the outside world....  a very tight financial situation....  feeling like someone was following me....  having my entire family....  poseiden and his sons....  my x....  one of my sons....  all of my former so called friends....  being isolated by everyone....  all of this....  all of these pressures....  drove me to insanity....  drove me to mania....  and....  being in isolation....  removed all of these pressures....  

and....  just to reinforce the point....  poseiden sent my zyprexa at some point....  and....  when it arrived....  the nurse said to me....  eye can give you your zyprexa....  but....  eye do NOT think that you need it....

that is my theory....  that isolation....  cured my mania....  at least temporarily....

even though eye was in a cold empty room....  with a shitty mattress....  a shitty flourescent light up above that was on all night....  and....  even would flicker on and off at some point....  and....  if eye remember correctly....  no pillow....  only two blankets....  and....  very little entertainment....  only....  books....  and....  an occasional visit from another inmate from time to time....  when they would come out of their room for an hour....  and talk to me for a few minutes....  through my door....  

yes....  even though eye was isolated on the outside....  and....  that isolation....  because it came from rejection....  was part of what made me ill....  but....  the isolation that toook away all of the attacks....  all of the pressures....  is what cured me....